if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
