dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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