My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
