I'm going to jail i love you
I smell stomach acid.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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