I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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