she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
