Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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