Where is the hickey?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Dignity is for republicans.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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