i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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