She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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