the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
