in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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