i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
