also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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