trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
