my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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