so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
