Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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