I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
COCAINE IS GR8
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
