last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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