How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
