So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize