i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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