Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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