Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
