Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The Olympian is in my bed
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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