totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
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Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize