You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I party with great urgency now.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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