Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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