dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
