you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I will die if light touches me.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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