you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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