I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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