win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
