my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
