Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I see more hoeing in ur future
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