People with herpes should wear stickers.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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