So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
