I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
