great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
