First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
