dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
