Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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