So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
