grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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