Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
