she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
