Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I wish my penis had an off switch
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize