a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
