so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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