Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm too high and old for this...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
