Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
