yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
