Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
