dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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