Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
