My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
