You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
