I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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