I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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