pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
