So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize