Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
It was confusing and full of hummus
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
