i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
