we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
