i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
