You can't motorboat a personality
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
