i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think my fart just growled at me.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
