david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
